The Emergency Cookie

Those close to me (I won't name names, but you know who you are) don't believe the following is a real recipe. But it works. I swear. It actually came from my aunt, who bakes constantly for church and does mini-catering for funerals and other church events. I have relied on this recipe when in a pinch for years.

1 cup peanutbutter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
Makes 12 cookies. Bake at 350 for ten minutes-ish.

This is what I like about this recipe: you probably always have the ingredients in your cupboard. It also only makes 12 regular-size cookies, which means they won't hang around the house too long. And unlike the pre-made dough that you can buy and slice and make one or two cookies at a time if you so wish, this is cheap.

When my nutritionist was asking me last month a little bit about my eating disorder history and how I ended up in the hospital, she asked if I had any "binge foods". My response: "I was purging 5-6 times a day for a couple of years by the time I was in the hospital, so I would say everything." Her response: "So it was just a lifestyle."

This is true. It was a lifestyle. But it is also true that there are some kinds of foods that affect our brain chemistry in a way that makes it either hard to stop eating them (because they don't make us feel full, because, as with sugar and caffeine, they have some addictive qualities) or hard to keep down (because they make you feel too full--they are greasy, heavy, or cause indigestion). Just as bodies react to alcohol differently, each body as its own way of responding to food combinations. When I was just beginning recovery, I wanted to make my space a safe zone so I was careful about what I kept in my cupboards (hard to do with roommates, but that is why I always had roommates who I was completely "out" about my disorder with--being out was a prevention in itself). This meant no snack food, ever.

As I got more confident in my recovery, I became more lax and tortilla chips and salsa and pbr became a staple in my fridge (I always wanted something to offer when people came over). Once I started dating my partner, I would say our cupboards became "normal"--Cat likes to keep one salty and one sweet snack stocked (we are on a budget so our snack food is at a minimum). But cookies are something that she LOVES (that, and ice cream). So we often don't keep them in the house because they risk getting eaten too quickly. If we want them, we go to a cafe or an ice cream shop.

So last night, Cat and I are sitting on the couch watching Spike Lee's 1986 film debut and I needed cookies like it was going out of style. I had been busy helping a friend with her new baby all day and packing boxes for her and had completely missed lunch. So even though I ate my other snacks and two meals, I still had missed a substantial amount of food. At first I thought it would just even out over the next few days but around nine o'clock, I was ravenous and craving. The up side: I knew exactly what I wanted.

Enter: the emergency cookie recipe.

Even with our food split between two houses (turns out, the baking sheet was also in the new apartment, which meant I had to bake the cookies in muffin tins), we had the stuff for cookies. Twenty minutes later, I satisfied my craving. And made the house smell phenomenal.

No binging. No scavenging. No regrets.